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It's OK to Do It...Once!

by Willy Chaplin

Or, if you are Bill Clinton, as often as you damn well please! What I am referring to, of course, are the celebrated defenses of Billy the Wang's behavior by Gloria Steinem and, of all people, Anita Hill. This demonstrates yet again what tortured logic is being used by feminists to excuse Clinton's gross conduct toward underlings.

Both of these ladies have decided that the Prez's alleged come-ons were OK since "He has shown that he can take 'No' for an answer." Ms. Steinem added that this was proved by the fact that he "only did it once" to each subject. So, it is presumedly acceptable behavior to her for a man to grab her hand and put it in his crotch while he is fondling her breasts...as long as he stops when she objects. Or, to haul out his schlong as an advertising lure for a blow job (or, perhaps, to demonstrate that he is a sensitive guy, unafraid to demonstrate his shortcomings). In either case, the mere fact that he ceases and desists is sufficient evidence of his "good faith" and lack of hostile intent. I am afraid that a lot of waitresses and hospital attendants...or any other women who daily come in contact with large numbers of men...are a bit surprised by this justification. Imagine just how many pee-pees they might be forced to "admire" or touch while performing their jobs! But, it's OK as long as they only have to suffer it once...per man.

Anita Hill, being placed in the particularly touchy situation of having publicly condemned Clarence Thomas for his "come-ons" to her while simultaneously whitewashing Bill Clinton's escapades, has supported this convoluted reasoning. Wait a minute? Did I miss something here? As I recall, Thomas wasn't said to have actually propositioned Ms. Hill, but merely made sexual innuendoes...remember the famous "pubic hair on the coke can" remark? Furthermore, I DON'T recall that Anita said that she EVER told him to cease and desist. Whew! And, we thought Hillary was going to great lengths to defend her man!

However, I do not condemn these hapless defenders of the faith. They have both stated, quite correctly, that the Clinton administration has done more for women than any previous group in office. Just the fact that Clinton appointed the first female Secretary of State...EVER...is strong evidence of his commitment to gender equality. We can even forget about his chicken-shit abandonment of Joycelyn Elders and Lani Guinier in the overall scheme of things. But, this isn't all.

Like many (perhaps most) others, I also do not find Bill's mating conduct particularly reprehensible. After all, the man was discreet enough to do it in private. So discreet, in fact, that he has been able to lie through his teeth and get away with it. I admit that I am a bit bothered by his lack of candor. I would prefer that he simply said, "Yeah. I did it. I did it all. I even jacked off my dog once. So fucking what?"

But, that isn't going to happen. Not this year. Perhaps, not in my lifetime. The general public may be ready to accept randy presidential escapades, but insisting on the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth is way too much to ask. By all indications, most people accept the lying, cheating and stealing not so much because they approve of it, but that they would not wish their own lying, cheating and stealing to have to be revealed. Besides, as you well know after reading my autobiographical confessions, who am I to protest? I may be telling the truth NOW, but what about before...?

So, I have to now do the one thing that is most painful to pundits. I have to say I was wrong. OK, since shit happens, I'll hedge it and say I was PROBABLY wrong. I hastily predicted in an earlier column (see: Honestly!) that the sex scandals would bring Bill Clinton down. I also got carried away talking about the value of honesty in The BIG Lie a week later. I no longer think this will happen. I now join those that think it won't even hurt him much except among the sniffy Morality Police and right wing "conspirators."

When the judge dismissed the Paula Jones suit in Arkansas, she not only gave the Great Escape Artist yet another big break, she also put a few nails in the coffin of Ken Starr's fragile investigation. And, they called Ronald Reagan the Teflon President!

Actually the one thing that most moved me emotionally to change my mind was a recent reading of the book Primary Colors. A work of fiction loosely based on Clinton's 1992 presidential campaign, this book doesn't really absolve him of anything. It makes him look like the professional sleaze bag that he is. Yet, there is one thing that comes across loud and clear. This man...or at least the version portrayed in the book...REALLY, REALLY likes the common folk. He REALLY does feel our pain. He not only talks the talk, but he has walked the walk and continues to do so. After what we have seen in the past five years, I, for one, am ready to believe it. I mean, how common can you get?

As for the rest of him. What can I say? He IS a politician, the lowest form of life. He knows it, he lives it and he loves it. Somebody's got to do it. Who would you rather it be? Bob Dole? Al Gore? Probably "hardly anybody" would be best. I'd say Bill Clinton is as close to hardly anybody as we're going to get.

See you tomorrow...

Willy Chaplin is a man who calls himself a libertarian and thinks he has something to say to us all. This rant was previously published on How Can You Laugh at a Time Like This?